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The Questions I Was Not Ready For
Growing up in India, festivals meant working tirelessly with mom to get the house ready. It meant planning with my sister for days about what we’d do, where we’d go.
It meant bonding with my friends and relatives over the chaos and the excitement – the late nights, the fresh clothes, the smell of the kitchen going full speed.
I cherished every bit of it.
And then I look at my son- sitting comfortably, watching YouTube, or deep in some very serious pretend play and I think: How do I give him what I had, when the world looks so different now?
That’s the real question, isn’t it. But oh, he does ask questions. So many questions.
“Mumma, why can’t I burst crackers like the other kids?”, “Why don’t we do Ganesh Chaturthi like my friend’s family?”, “Can we invite the whole building for Diwali? Like, everyone?”, “Can I put mehndi like you?”, “Why can’t we make cake for this festival?”, “I don’t like someone – does that mean I can’t go to their house? Or not invite them home?” or “I want to do the puja. Why won’t you let me do it?”
Honestly, there are so many more. Putting them all together would make this very boring for you to read – and I like you too much to do that.
But what I will tell you is how I try to answer them.
Stories Do the Heavy Lifting – Thank God for Dadi
The stories do the heavy lifting. Thank God for Dadi. I figured out early that explanations don’t work. Logic doesn’t work. What works is a story.
Kids don’t connect with “We do this because it is our tradition.” They connect with why someone did something, how it felt, what happened next. The emotions. The stakes. The human part.
So I try to go (more so Dadi) back to the simplest, most honest version of the story behind each festival. And when she doesn’t know it well enough – Dadi reads one of the books. She always does find the perfect story for a festival. And once the story lands, the festival makes sense to them in a way no explanation ever could.
Nani Handles the How
Nani handles the how. And honestly, God bless her for it.
While I’m busy figuring out the why, Nani is already cleaning, decorating, arranging everything, making the home feel like a festival actually lives there. The how – the rituals, the setup, the food, the sequence of things – that comes from her. From watching. From being part of it.
That’s actually how I learned too. Not from being taught. From being present. From being actively involved.
Then comes the shopping. Every. Single. Time. Every festival brings with it a whole shopping conversation. Gifts, outfits, sweets, decorations. And I’ll be honest – when I was a child, the handmade things meant the most. The cards we made, the diyas we painted, the rangolis we put, the things that took effort, time and love.
Now it’s hard to get kids to sit still long enough to enjoy the festival, let alone make something for it. My son loves cooking, and he does it with full sincerity every time we are making festival prasads or special dishes. Most importantly, He wants to make it all by himself, and he also makes sure everyone tastes his chocolate sandesh and praises it.
I don’t always have the perfect answer.
Coming back to questions – I don’t always have the perfect answer.
- The crackers question – I tell him how animals can get scared by the loud noise from crackers, and how the air and our world get polluted with smoke and paper. I try to lead us to find another way to celebrate, sometimes eco-friendly options, simple homemade alternatives like colourful diyas or just fuljhadi or sparkles, etc.
- The puja question – I step back and let him lead it. After all, I think that is what we are trying to do- teach him how to perform a pooja, so why not allow him to do it? He does every step with us, not as an observer but an actor and leader. Watching him figure it out, taking it seriously, feeling the responsibility of it – that’s better than anything I could have planned.
- The “I don’t like someone” question – that one is a whole other conversation about grace and showing up even when it’s hard. We’re still working on it. ( No Comments ;))
- One recent interesting question – “We are Hindu, then why don’t we bring Ganpati like my friend?”. Well, this one has been tricky. Explaining why only people from a certain state do it and how it was popularly revived during India’s struggle for Independence. Telling stories about how freedom fighters like Lokmanya Tilak came up with an idea to do public Ganpati to gather people and spread awareness about the fight for independence
- The cake question – honestly, why not? Let’s bake a cake and eat it at the festival. Joy is joy. We do a lot of healthy versions – no sugar, with dates, oats or ragi flour, with bananas and whatnot. Send your versions of healthy recipes to try
I don’t always explain it perfectly. I don’t always have the right words. But I show up for the conversation, every time. And so far – with the stories, with Dadi, with Nani, with a lot of mithai and a little chaos – it’s working.
One festival at a time.
What’s the funniest or hardest festival question your child has asked you? Tell me in the comments – I promise I won’t judge. I’ve heard it all.
Love n hugs,
Urvashi
