Throughout my life, I have been very gracious and considerate towards others. So much so that I am last on my priority list, it never bothers me. Being an empath I felt good to help others first.
I have always been proud of the fact that I helped someone. Some days I may be sad, in pain, and de-motivated but that never stopped me from helping others.
Lately, I have felt that I cannot enjoy helping others. I started feeling overwhelmed. It had become impossible to hear anyone else in pain. It took me some time to understand that I was in a place or stage where I wanted help, love and care from people around me.
I kept ignoring my voice despite it trying to get through to me. While giving Reiki, I struggled to feel connected and had to extend the sessions. I also struggled to help others during this time. Whenever there was pain around, I would try to distance myself, feeling overwhelmed by it. As these feelings persisted, my body began to show signs of repeated infections, health issues, and weight gain, as if I was trapped in an infinite loop with no way out.
A quote constantly resonated: “You can only fill someone else’s glass when your cup is full.” It is a loud and clear sign from my mind and body asking me to stop and take care of myself before taking another step.
It is hard to accept what is going on. My instincts and basic nature are opposite to this concept of ME first and my self-care and self-love before others. This is a completely new thing for my brain. But I will have to do it to get back to doing what I love the most. I have to HEAL MYSELF FIRST. I have to keep myself at the top of my priority list.
Maybe there are others out there who are feeling the same. I know these are the most difficult words I put together. The fact is now clear. I need to heal myself.
Recently, someone said something that has stuck with me: Take care of yourself not just to stay healthy and live longer, but so that you can spend more time with your loved ones, do things that bring you joy, and inspire others by being yourself.
I heal myself
I let go of things that are not good for me
I smile and laugh with my son
I talk with my family and friends who care for me deeply
I pray to be happy
I heal myself
